The Rocks and The River

Feb 15, 2026

I wish
there was
a word for this.

For going from loving
someone so much
it makes you giddy,
to losing them
so quick
it makes you dizzy.

For loving every
nook and cranny
of someone's body
and every
nook and cranny
of someone's mind
and it still
not being enough.

For seeing it
not be enough,
bending over
backwards, willingly,
out of love,
and still watch it
not be enough.

For the fear
that it actually
was enough,
and we misjudged
out of panic.

For not knowing
what is right,
and choosing something regardless
hoping
we just chose ourselves.

For erasing
the shared timeline
we drew in our heads,
and feeling like
you're staring at
a blank whiteboard
in an empty classroom
in the middle of the night
with nothing but
the red glow of
the emergency exit
sign on the wall.

For not knowing
if that sign
has always been
the writing that's been
there on the wall.

For trusting that
you will be fine,
not because you want to,
but because you have to.

I long for a word
that amalgamates
the beady-eyed
idealism
of love
with
the stone-cold
brutality
of life.

A word that includes
the rocks and the river
and the ice and the clouds.

A word that captures
the unbridled
expression of love
and the relentless
dispassionate cruelty
of reality
at the same time.

Whatever that nameless
feeling is,
I have always
been afraid to feel it,
and will be glad
when it is over.

But right now,
I do feel it.

And I will try
with all my heart
to be grateful
for the privilege.

- Abdullah Alam